Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking No for an Answer“Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
Many times in life we ask questions of people and then put way too much weight on their answers.
We ask people we admire if they think we have what it takes, and then consider their opinions fact. We ask people we respect if they think we should take a chance, and then follow their advice as law. We ask people if they’ll take a chance on us, and then interpret their response to be a reflection of our potential.
Other people can’t tell us how far we can go. They can’t tell us how our talents could evolve. They can’t tell us if our risks will pay off. Other people’s “nos” aren’t what limit our future–it’s our own “nos” that do that.
I read an interview with television producer and former American Idol judge Simon Cowell. He admitted that if Lady Gaga had auditioned for the show, he would have instantly rejected her because of her over-the-top persona. Like her or not, Lady Gaga has emerged as a force to be reckoned with n the music industry–a bona fide record-breaking pop icon, who likely isn’t going anywhere any time soon.
Odds are she heard her fair share of “nos,” as does anyone with a dream.
Sometimes we hear “no” before we even get a chance to contact the person we really want to reach. We hear “no” from assistants, and publicists, and agents, and associates, and a number of other gatekeepers. Those “nos” are rarely final since a gate is made to be opened.
We can take all these “nos” and use them as proof that we shouldn’t move forward with our goals. Or we can learn from them, release them, and then keep moving ahead, driven by a deep internal yes that refuses to be ignored.
Today if you come up against rejection, remember:This does not mean “no.” It just means “not this way.”
1) “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan2) “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic.” – Anonymous 3) “Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It’s OK to fail. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.” – H. Stanley Judd 4) “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho5) “I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.” – Taylor Swift 6) “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky7) “Forget about the consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success.” – Denis Waitley8) “I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.” – Nikki Giovanni9) “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up” – Thomas Edision10) “Remember that failure is an event, not a person” – Zig Ziglar 11) “I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” – George Burns12) “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” – Theodore Roosevelt13) “There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Elbert Hubbard14) “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative” – Woody Allen 15) “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley 16) “There is no such thing as failure. There are only results” – Tony Robbins 17) “Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” – Sumner Redstone 18) “One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.” – Henry Ford 19) “Most people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” – Napoleon Hill 20) “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” – Elbert Hubbard 21) “Failure is success if we learn from it.” – Malcolm Forbes
I hope you are all in great form for a great week.
Coach Chris
Remarkable employees spend significant time helping other people succeed: their company, their employees, their customers and suppliers…But remarkable employees also spend a little time helping themselves succeed, both for “selfish” reasons and because their success creates success for others.
1. be first, but with a purpose
Many people try to be the first to arrive each day. That’s great, but what do you actually do with that time?Take care of unresolved problems from the day before. Set things up so it’s easier for other employees to hit the ground running when they come in. Chip away at an ongoing project others ignore.Don’t just be the one who turns on or off the lights – be the one who gets in early in order to get things done. Not only will your performance stand out, you’ll also start to…
2. master a specific — and valuable — skill
Meeting standards won’t help you stand out.So go above the norm. Be the leader known for turning things around Be the shipping manager who makes a few deliveries a week to personally check in with customers. Be the MD who promotes from within. Be known as the employee who responds quicker, acts faster, or always follows up.Pick a worthwhile mission and excel at it. I promise people will notice.
3. create your own side projects
Excelling at an assigned project is expected. Excelling at a side project — especially one you created — helps you stand out.Try it. For example, experiment on a new process or service with a particular customer in mind. The customer will appreciate how you tried, without being asked, to better meet their needs… and you’ll never be forgotten.
4. put your effort where your mouth is
Lots of people talk a lot. Few take a stand and put actual effort behind their opinions.Say you think a project has gone off the rails; instead of just pointing out its flaws so you can show everyone how smart you are, jump in and help fix it.Everyone talks about problems. The people who fix problems are the few who stand out.
5. show a little of your personal side
Personal interests – help people to remember you. That’s a huge advantage for a new employee or a company competing in a crowded market.Just make sure your personal interests don’t overshadow professional accomplishments. Being “the guy who does triathlons” is fine, but being “the guy who is always training and traveling to triathlons so we can never reach him when we need him” is not.Let people know a little about you; a few personal details add color and depth to your professional image and it makes you likable.
6. work harder than everyone else
Nothing – nothing – is a substitute for hard work.Look around: How many people are working as hard as they can? Very few.One way you can always stand out — regardless of talent, experience, or skill — is by outworking everyone else.It’s also the easiest way to stand out, because I guarantee you’ll be the only one trying that hard.
The idea that Apple & Starbucks marketing methods are “best” is the biggest lie in business. Just because it works for them doesn’t mean it will work for the rest of us who work at small or medium sized businesses.
What you should be learning is that you should not be focused on brand marketing but rather on direct marketing.Every cent you spend on marketing should be tracked and expected to produce a return.
So if you’re serious about upping your game, you need to refocus on learning what the best direct marketers do to build successful businesses. And one of the best resources on this subject is Dan Kennedy’s No B.S. Direct Marketing. Below are 10 rules from the book:
1. always include an offer
“The purpose of marketing is to create a customer.” If you don’t include an offer, you’re creating more awareness instead of more customers.
2. give a reason to respond right now
With everything going on in our busy lives, we’re either going to take advantage of an offer now – or not at all. Put a time limit. Make it a limited quantity offer. Put a sense of urgency. Grab the attention of the people who see your ads and give them a reason to act right now.
3. give clear instructions
Don’t assume people will know what to do when they see your marketing material. Tell them exactly what step you want them to take next.
4. focus on tracking, measurement, and accountability
If you’re not testing and tweaking your marketing continuously, you are guaranteed it won’t be as effective as it could be. And the only way to test is to track and measure everything. In fact, if it can’t be tracked and measured – don’t do it.
5. only do no-cost brand building
There’s nothing wrong with brand building. It’s only wrong when you pay for it. Instead, focus on direct marketing. Enjoy any brand building you get as a bonus of your marketing – not as the goal.
6. always follow-up
Dan Kennedy once asked a room of business owners which battery company ran ads with the bunny that kept “going and going”. Half the room thought it was Duracell. So if Energizer spent billions of dollars on advertising and still couldn’t get people to remember their brand – do you really think just one ad or marketing effort is enough to sway people to your cause? You need to follow up – follow up with your prospects, follow up with your customers.
7. make it look like mail-order advertising
Most people think mail-order advertising is ineffective. But the truth is, it works big time. The point is that mail-order advertisements are some of the most tested marketing pieces that exist. So study them. Use them as role models for all your campaigns.
8. strengthen your copy
Most marketing we see in the digital age is made of nice pictures and cute catch phrases – seems that the people behind those ads forgot that those things don’t make people buy. And remember our goal: to make people buy your product. So focus on writing in a way that sells – focus on strong copy. (I highly recommend the book How To Write An Advertisement as a great guide for that).
9. focus on results. period.
It doesn’t matter what image or copy you like, or which ad you think you should use. As a marketer, you need to listen and act only on results.
10. put your business on a strict direct marketing diet
Next time your local newspaper calls about putting your logo on the fourth page – say “no” – unless you’re ready to use the above 9 points in there as well. Forget about awareness marketing and go on the diet of business champions: direct marketing.
what did you think?
How many of those rules did you “get”? Which one was spot on? Which ones did you already know? And more interestingly—which do you disagree with?
Do you have excuses — or more likely “reasons” — for not being a better leader?
See if you recognize any of these:
1. “i’m under tremendous pressure”
Of course you are. Every boss is stuck in between the “rock,” employees, and customers, vendors, investors, etc, the “hard place.”If demands seem overwhelming and pull you too far away from your team, get your employees more involved in your projects and responsibilities.They’ll be glad to help, especially if they gain skills and exposure in the process.
2. “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this”
You’re right. Great leaders are chronically under-compensated and under-appreciated, and that will probably never change.But great employers see the satisfaction they gain from praising, developing, mentoring, and helping employees reach their goals as a part of their total package.If you don’t see it that way, rethink whether you want to lead people; otherwise you’ll always be unsatisfied.
3. “my employees work better when i leave them alone”
If that’s true, it means you’re the problem.Great employees don’t need (or want) to be told what to do, but they do need to hear they do a great job — it will help them learn about new directions or strategies. Everyone likes some amount of attention.Just make sure the attention you give makes a positive impact.
4. “this process was created by someone who doesn’t have to implement it”
Often true. For example, many human resources specialists have never worked in a shop-floor leadership role, but that doesn’t mean certain initiatives are not worthwhile.You may not like creating development plans, but don’t just go through the motions. Work hard to make sure your plans actually develop your employees. And if you don’t like a policy or guideline, don’t ignore it; work to make it better.It’s every boss’s responsibility to make sure company policies protect and promote employee interests to the greatest extent possible.
5. “I can’t deal with all the politics”
Company politics can be a factor even for a business owner.If the culture is bad, fix it. If politics keep people from doing their jobs or performing as well as they could, fix those issues.Your job is taking care of any problems that make it hard for your employees to do their best.So do your job.
6. “If she gets too much credit, i’ll look bad”
Don’t be afraid your employees might outshine you. Your goalis to have employees outshine you.Great leaders surround themselves with outstanding talent. That’s how they become great leaders. The better your team, and the individuals that make up your team, the better you look.
7. “I shouldn’t need to praise people for doing their jobs”
Do you train employees by tossing them into the fire simply because that’s how you were once treated? Whenever you feel something was “good enough for me,” realize that it isn’t good enough for your employees.Determine the best way to train and develop employees and then make it happen. Any bad experiences you had should shape a more positive approach, not serve as a blueprint.
9. “i need to spend some time with employees… so hey, i’ll go talk to mike”
You need to get to know employees on a personal level, but do you typically gravitate toward the employees with whom you share common interests?Every employee deserves your attention and respect. Take an interest. Ask questions. Find a common interest — even if that common interest is simply trying to help them reach their own career and personal goals.When you make a sincere effort, they’ll make it easy for you. People naturally appreciate people who are interested in them.
10. “why waste my time? i know he doesn’t like me”
Few things are more awkward than working with, or even just talking to, employees who you feel don’t like you.Reach out and clear the air. Say, “Mike, I don’t feel our working relationship is as positive as it could be …I really want to make it better.”Then let Mike vent. Sure, you may not like hearing what he says, but once you do, you’ll know how to make the situation better.
Be like children, and remember there are four ways to be more like a child no matter how old you get…
1. Curiosity Be curious; embrace childish curiosity. What will kids do if they want to know something bad enough? You’re right. They will bug you. Kids can ask a million questions. You think they’re through, then they’ve got another million. They will keep plaguing you. They can drive you right to the brink. Kids use their curiosity to learn. Have you ever noticed that while adults are stepping on ants, children are studying them? A child’s curiosity is what helps them to reach, learn and grow.
2. Excitement Learn to get excited like a child. There is nothing that has more magic than childish excitement. So excited that you hate to go to bed at night… that you can’t wait to get up in the morning… that you’re about to explode. How can anyone resist that kind of childish magic? Now, once in a while I meet someone who says, “Well, I’m a little too mature for all that childish excitement.” Isn’t that pitiful? You’ve got to weep for these kinds of people. All I’ve got to say is, “If you’re too old to get excited, you’re old.” Don’t get that old.
3. Faith Faith is childish. How else would you describe it? Some people say, “Let’s be adult about it.” Oh, no. No. Adults too often have a tendency to be overly skeptical. Some adults even have a tendency to be cynical. Adults say, “Yeah. I’ve heard that old positive line before. It will be a long day in June before I fall for that positive line. You’ve got to prove to me it’s any good.” See, that’s adult, but kids aren’t that way. Kids think you can get anything. They are really funny. You tell them, “We’re going to have three swimming pools.” And they say, “Yeah. Three. One each. Stay out of my swimming pool.” See, they start dividing them up right away, but adults are not like that. Adults say, “Three swimming pools? You’re out of your mind. Most people don’t even have one swimming pool. You’ll be lucky to get a tub in the backyard.” You notice the difference? No wonder the master teacher said, “Unless you can become like little children, your chances, they’re skinny.”
4. Trust Trust is a childish virtue, but it has great merit. Have you heard the expression “Sleep like a baby”? That’s it. Childish trust. After you’ve gotten an A+ for the day, leave it in somebody else’s hands. Curiosity, excitement, faith and trust. That is a powerful combination to bring (back) into our lives. During his lifetime, Jim Rohn heard from thousands of people who credited their success to his simple principles and life strategies that expanded their imagination of what is possible.
I’ve always been inquisitive, which has won me friends, who’ve been flattered by my interest, and annoyed others, who found it invasive. I’ve been working to figure out how to ask better questions, questions for which I’ll get interesting, surprising answers. Answers which teach me something, advance a story, reveal someone’s interests, or simply help me get to know someone better.I try to learn every day how to ask better questions and here are few things I have learnt.
inquire, don’t interrogate
The same question can sound like an attack or an invitation – it’s all about tone. And I am shocked by how much of a difference a smile makes when asking a question you know someone doesn’t want to answer.
don’t underestimate the power of surprise
Ask a question that’s out of left field. People are often so surprised, they’ll answer frankly and honestly, before they have a chance to think to go with the prepared babble that’s oh-so predictable and dull.
*really* listen
If I get through a list of questions I’ve prepared, it’s a sure sign that I’m not paying enough attention. What’s infinitely better is reacting specifically to what’s being said.
don’t “ask” with a statement – just get to the point already
Everyone has been at those Q&A sessions where someone inevitably stands up and “asks” a long, rambling question designed to demonstrate his own knowledge rather than seek to gain knowledge from the expert. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. An incisive question can itself imply the knowledge – if you’ve done your homework, it’ll be obvious, you don’t need to spell it out.
ask both the questions people are eager to answer, and those they’re absolutely not
I love to hear people talk about the stuff they’re most excited about – their eyes light up, they gesticulate and lean in. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t be dissuaded from asking about stuff people don’t want to discuss. Even if you know they won’t answer it, it’s worth trying. If I don’t get an answer, I’ll just keep trying by asking smaller pieces of the same question.
break up big questions into little bites
If you ask big, sweeping questions, you may get long, rambling answers, break it into something more manageable, A bunch of specific questions might be useful to help people build with concrete answers before they get to a big question.
We spend most of our days just getting things done but how about sitting back calmly for a short 30 minutes and observe your staff or clients. I was once told a story by a very successful man who told one of his managers that he did not pay her to work but paid her to observe work and adjust it accordingly. There is a wise message to be taken from that.
Since my earliest days of personal development study, my mantra has always “learn something new every day.” More easily defined, I pay attention to everything and everyone.There are very few brand-new ideas. When I get one, if it’s an offshoot of someone else, the first thing I do is acknowledge my source. Makes me feel better, and makes my source a resource, not a copyright infringement.My power of observation has also paid MAJOR DIVIDENDS in sales. Using it on the sales call has often led to the right question, the right dialogue, uncovering my prospects buying motives, and big sales. I walk in ultra-prepared, and don’t have to worry about what I’m going to be asked or what I’m going to say. Rather, I can focus on what’s going on around me. I’m observing my prospect, his office, his desk, his way of dressing, his language, and everything about him that my relaxed state allows me to look at and learn.I find most people to be somewhere between wrapped up in their own world and oblivious. Okay, so HOW do you observe, HOW do you pay attention, and HOW do you learn?HERE’S THE SECRET: It’s not just observing or paying attention. You must “combine” your abilities as you see things to get the maximum understanding:• Combine observing and thinking.• Combine observing and understanding.• Combine observing and asking questions.• Combine observing and coming to some conclusion, idea, or AHA!• Combine observing and comparing to what you already know to be true.• Combine observing with being open, positive, and eager to learn.I refer to it as self-collaboration.It’s what you see – compared or combined with what you already know. Paying attention and observing costs zero, but it’s worth a fortune. It can be your fortune, too. Paying attention and observing has given me the biggest opportunity for new knowledge and new information.It can be YOUR biggest opportunity, too, if you decide to harness the asset you already possess.
The ability to hold a natural conversation is one of the keys to success. Knowing when to initiate a discussion, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending dialogue with kindness is an art.
So, are you a smooth talker? Learn how to create connections in conversations by following these seven steps:
Exude confidence. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable. If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others. Remember: Enthusiasm is infectious.
Show up with something to say. Always be on the lookout for material. Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together: a party, association meeting or business affair. Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.
Begin with a question. Besides showing interest in someone, one simplequestion can start an entire conversation. Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd. Rather than, “What do you do?” ask, “How do you enjoy spending your weekends?”
Find common ground. The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest. Don’t shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business. They often create the perfect connection.
Focus on others. Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist. The art of conversation is “not tennis, in which you return the other fellow’s serve, but golf, in which you go on hitting your own ball.” Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.
Be inclusive. Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer. Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.
7. Close a conversation with class. When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, “It’s been a pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon.” Before leaving, be sure to thank the hosts. And be nice to the PA or receptionist – they are sometimes asked for their opinion and if they like you then you may have a better chance.
Companies increasingly face the challenge of finding enough experienced recruits for departing managers and new executive positions.
It’s a challenge that also presents an opportunity for young managers looking for a big step up in their careers.Some participants are under 30. We often give them extremely challenging assignments that take them well outside their comfort zones. They may have to manage staff, most of whom are older than they are.
Here are the most valuable lessons I have learned about being a manager:
establish trust
Your first task is to establish bonds and trust with your team. Get out of your office and “walk the floor” to get to know all the core members of your team. Spend time with each member of management and ask them to identify the main problems they are struggling to solve and the main opportunities they see.
break down barriers
I’ve always been a big believer in the power of diversity. As you walk the floor, identify people with the ability to get the job done, regardless of their background or education. Usually the best ideas come from the factory floor. Solicit advice from a broad array of backgrounds. If you do this, your plan will apply to a wider number of people – and you are more likely to succeed.
be confident, yet humble
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but your superiors trust you, so trust in yourself. Don’t let self-doubt cloud your thinking. At the same time, never be cocky. Show employees your willingness to learn what you don’t know: Ask lots of questions. Learn all you can about what they do and why. Solicit and listen to feedback – particularly negative feedback. Turn to mentors (previous bosses, colleagues, professors, relatives) when you are stuck on a problem. A “mentor” might be someone you barely know or someone you haven’t talked to in years; you may be pleasantly surprised by the number of people willing to help if you simply ask.
Be demanding of yourself: Others are more willing to follow your direction if you show your willingness to work hard, to dive into a problem, to be open to new ideas. Show you care. Show that your own success is tied to the success of the entire team. Successful management is about creating a model for others. You will not accomplish anything if you do not inspire and motivate your team. Demand more of yourself than of your workers.
listen and communicate
Young managers often think they should talk a lot; in fact, they need to listen. Communication is a two-way street. Particularly in your first few weeks and months, take plenty of time to listen. Then develop a comprehensive plan. The plan should be difficult – but not impossible. The plan should establish one or two key priorities, with specific, quantifiable targets. Communicate these priorities and targets relentlessly and in multiple formats (face to face, in formal presentations, in casual meetings, in company videos).
deliver!
Your ability to exceed expectations is the most important element of all. Even if you perfect all of the above elements, you will still fail if you don’t deliver results. In the end, this is what management is all about: accomplishing your specific mission. Discipline yourself to focus on performance and avoid distractions.